Sunday, November 11, 2012

To FAKE or not to FAKE

 
Guys, this one is for you: 
Do you seriously want your girl to fake it?!

That's a hard one.
I think most guys- that are not total douche bags-  will agree with me, that it is better not to fake. They would never do.
They prefer the real deal.

And yet, they are so convinced that we are happy with just about any crap they give us. They can't believe they could ever go wrong. 

But I've got some news for you. The GOOD, The BAD, and the UGLY.


Let's start with the BAD:

An average guy can't even recognize faked emotions if they are screaming in his face.

And lets make one thing clear: I hate faking it.

'FAKE' IS A FOUR LETTER WORD.  F***

I guess this pattern starts off in early childhood. A little boy will show his momma a horrible scribbled something, and she will go crazy, pretending it's the best piece of modern art she's ever seen. And that's where the vicious fake circle starts. Most mommas wont ever stop doing this throughout their lifetime. (And I have to admit that with my lil nephew I'm just the same. Guess that's what you do when you love.)

But when those little boys grow up, they're coming for YOU, girl.
 
Do you know how often I already had to fake joy over some FUGLY present that went straight into the garbage as soon as he turned around?

Women are so sweet. 
They always think about the other persons feelings. They don't wanna hurt anyone. And they are shy sometimes to voice their desires.

Let Mimi do it for you.

Which brings us to the UGLY:

Having to fake joy is the saddest thing in the world.

So I made a survey with my girlfriends (who are already stressing because Christmas is approaching) to find out the worst gifts we ever had the misfortunes to receive, and the amount of badly chosen, uncreative, random, less than mediocre, weird, vulgar, offending, expensive but ugly gifts that were forced upon us over the years, is SHOCKING. DOWNRIGHT SCARY.


Top 8 of the worst gifts ever given:

1. A fake Alexander McQueen clutch. Sorry, but that one I gave right back.

2. A David Guetta CD. a) who on iEarth still uses CD'S?! b) seriously, you think I need music advice?! Check my iPod.

3. Granny style Lingerie, size M. Although M stands for Miss Mimi, please keep in mind: my dress size is XXS. And I ain't no granny, baby.

4. A cheap wannabe Celebrity's Perfume/Shower gel buy one, get one free combo. Dude, not cool.

5. A PLATE. With DISNEY CHARACTERS on it. Seriously, are you KIDDING ME. For a GROWN GIRL.

6. My favourite cake from Laduree in London. While the idea really is totally charming (earning the guy some points, still), the tragedy is that this miserable, delicately delicious little cake was transported ALL THE WAY with CLUMSY HANDS and one stop over from London to DUBAI (!!!) where my Bday party was held. Now just imagine how long that cake must have been without refrigeration. Needless to say, it looked totally crushed when it arrived (so did the guy). And my mood turned as sour as the precious patisserie.

7. NOTHING?!!?

8. A horribly ugly orange bangle with yellow fish and blue dots from Hermès. The engraving read:
'My beautiful Miss Mimi. It's only been a week but I think I love you. Sincerely, Mr Glue*'
*Name changed out of FAKE discretion.

9. A box of Duplo Chocolates + A SOAP. WTF
Seriously, no words.

You know who you are.


I can't help thinking that if I was a guy, I would be an amazing boyfriend.
I constantly come up with sooo many super romantic ideas as to how I would sweep mi-me /the lady of my life of her Louboutins. If I was a man, that is.
Seriously, If i was a boyfriend, no babe would ever dump ME....


I mean, its not the point of simply spending a lot of money, or just getting her something.
A gift always reflects the giver. How good he/she know the giftee. And how much they care.



It's that simple.

And all girls know that. Although we usually are too polite to say it out loud.

Think about that one, next time you pick something.


But finally the GOOD news is:

Ive been a nice little House Christmas Elf.  I got my paws dirty, digging up all the best presents that will make HER jump with joy, and I mean, REALLY, no fakin' it.

And yes, they are expensive. 
Because I don't support cheap gifts. I don't give them, either.

My notoriously glamorous Aunt M. once had a lover who was a STUDENT. As he knew he would not be able to afford her a beautiful present for Christmas, he secretly donated blood (without her knowing, of course!). Again and again. It took him months till he had the money for the beautiful bracelet he wanted to get her from Cartier. But in the end he did. (Not HIS end, of course.)
I think, this is true love. So romantic. (and NOT only because it reminds me of TWILIGHT)

So all possible 'Baby I cant afford this' claims are dismissed, here and now.


And you better watch out Santa. I love you baby, but I will no longer fake it for you.

PS: What's the worst gift you ever received??? Dying to know!!! :)

Xxx Miss Mimi



Voilà my selection 'For Her'

1. La Reine de Naples in rose gold and diamonds with black satin bracelet, Breguet.
Price upon request, breguet.com Such a stunning, exquisite watch, I think there is no topping this.

2. Kelly Bag in Bubble Gum Pink Goatskin, Golden Hardware. Hermès, Price upon request, hermes.com

3. Sapphire Flower Stud Earrings and Ring, BVLGARI. Price upon request, bulgari.com

4. Antique Venetian Mirror, Price upon Request
Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the most generous of them all?! Best bought together, for example in Venice or Florence...

5. Italian Greyhound Puppy, 2000 Euros, via dilupicino.com

6. Morgan Aero Supersports,  Price upon request, via morgan-motor.co.uk

7. Taxidermy White Peacock from Deyrolle,  4500 Euro, via deyrolle.com

8. If you really cant make up your mind, how about a real, surprise breakfast at Tiffany's. Let her choose for herself  tiffany.com

9. Pink Lomography Camera Mr Diana F+, 89 Euro via Lomography Diana Mini Petite En Rose Camera
 (IN ADDITION to a Safari in Tanzania/ Trip to the Maldives, that is.)




And 'For Him' !


1. Madison Bike, Detroit Bicyle Company Street bike with leather saddle, copper plated elements and vintage copper light. Price upon request, via detroitbicyclecompany.com

2. Island Frame, Katharine Pooley, 300 Euro, via katharinepooley.com
(picture of Mimi- priceless.)

3. Anthropologie USB Typewriter, 850 Euro, via anthropologie.com

4. 5 Mega pixel Video Camera Snow Goggles, 300 Euro, via liquidimageco.com

5. Pentax Optio I-10 Camera, 10.1 Mega pixel, 190 Euro, via pentax.co.uk

6. Bell & Ross Vintage PW1 Pocket watch, 2000 Euro, via bellross.com

7. Goldfinger by Ian Fleming, First Edition, Price upon request, via abebooks.co.uk

8. Black and white feather Backgammon Set, Alexandra Llewellyn, Price upon request, via alexandralldesign.com





10 comments:

  1. soooo funny and so true, especially the underwer in size M!!!! lol

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    1. Haha thank you! Any horrible gift you can add to the list? :)

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  2. Replies
    1. That one should be on top of the list... ;)

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  3. I cant imagine someone selling his blood to buy me a gift and I dont know if I should be happy with that, because the diamond will feel literally like a blood diamond. But I understand the romance behind it, very sweet. The worse gift I ever got was a second hands bracelet, second hands because he first gave it to his ex (she returned it after she dumped him) and then he gave the same bracelet to me!

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    1. Dear anonymous, thank you for your comment.
      I know what you mean, I was quite shocked too when my aunt told me this bloody story. Then again, she has plenty of stories of this sort... But the boy was a medicine student, so he knew what he was doing. And the health institutions like the red cross are happy for anyone who donates boold, as blood is always needed to save lives for example after accidents, when patients are desperately in need of it, due to blood loss. So i would say that was a win-win situation, and the diamond an 'ethical blood diamond', if you want. ;)
      Concerning the second hand bracelet: I feel for you. That is not very sensitive of the guy.. what did you do with it? did you wear it?
      Xxx Miss Mimi

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    2. About the bracelet: I found out later that the bracelet was his ex after somebody told me. When I recieved the bracelet it looked used, I could see it was used. But I dont want to insult anyone so I faked it. I have even worn it the day he gave it to me just to make him happy. But that guy was Dutch and Dutch in general are not big spenders when it comes to giving presents, although there are some exceptions to the rule. But if you want a nice present, dont date a Dutch guy they are very different from the French, Swiss, British Italian or whatever.
      About the fake alexandre Mcqueen clutch... I hope you did not like that guy too much because its not a good sign to give someone a fake bag.

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    3. Oh no!!! I guess that's why they call it 'going dutch', when a guy wants to split the bill in a restaurant.. Probably it's a mentality thing, as you said. About the fake clutch guy: I was at a point where I was making up my mind about wether I liked him or not. I think the fake clutch was a sign from the universe, that some things are just not meant to be.. :)

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  4. seriously, do i look like i like green ugly frogs...? lol

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    1. Hahaha, Queen of the castle, this is you! :)
      Maybe you should have kissed it and gave it a try...

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