Thursday, September 06, 2012

THE LOOKS THAT KILL A DATE

I'M NOT POINTING PAWS.

Just believe me, I've been there, and I've worn that (EVERY SINGLE LOOK). Which is why I can give you some advice on the topic.

As we all know,  first dates are delicious and delicate matters. So is the question of WHAT TO WEAR.

Our choice of clothes is a way of communicating.  

But what message do you want to send with your frock when you're struggling to find something cool/smart/witty/interesting to say at the same time?!?

When nervous and with the desire to impress, we tend to pick what we consider our coolest outfit.

WHICH IS WHERE THE TROUBLE BEGINS.

You've never worn those super high stilettos before and cant walk, the dress is new and you didn't know that it WOULDN'T STAY UP, you've overdosed on this rather strong 'seductive' scent. Plus, you had NO IDEA he would come in jeans and chucks and pick you up on a VESPA.

My list of little black DATE-mares is endless.

But let the NIGHT begin, and make this weird situation just a little more awkward, shall we?

MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE....

The 'Over Glam':

Mimi wears a bandage dress by Herve Leger, Birkin bag in croco by Hermès, Jewels by Graff, Stilettos from Christian Louboutin. And Hypnotic Poison by Dior.


IT'S. JUST. SO. OBVIOUS.

Instantly recognizable, as being totally over the top:
The girl in the corner, uncomfortably twitching around in her chair, dress too short, heels too high, too much make up, nervously drinking A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE, dropping her fork, her fish, her moral, and holding on to her extensions for some FAKE SUPPORT.

This is what happens if you OVERDOSE ON DIVA. You get anxiety attacks, break into sweat and are so stiff, you make THE QUEEN look like KID ROCK.

What you need: 
Herve Leger, Fox fur, Louboutins, Hermès and the full force, full bottle of Hypnotic Poison (to make him realize how totally tempting you are), transparent black stockings, and a full set of Agent Provocateur lingerie (or none!) underneath.

I know, your intention is giving the impression that you're super glam and look this dressed up on a daily basis. But unfortunately THE EFFECT the combo has, is making you look like an idiot, as everything is way too much. You look like a bitch with no life and no undies, especially when your nail polish matches your HL. 
Totally ridic.

Its obvi: You were sooo over excited about this date, that you had to wear your very best stuff to impress the guy, resulting in your date being totally unexcited about you.

With such high expectations, the night is bound to crash.


Don't get me wrong. I love Herve Leger, I think Hermès does WONDERFUL bags, and I have more Louboutins than I can count.  Together, these three elements form an armour, that in toady's battle for survival of the chic-est, makes you invincible.

Just, not all together and not all on a first date. 

Wear it when you've been dating for a while, you're cool with each other, and he's begun to appreciate your personality, TOO.

Because the problem with the over glammed bombshell look is:
The bomb might just detonate on your own grounds.




Slouching right up, my second favourite NO GO...

The Parisian 'I couldn't give a shit'- look:

Mimi wears a Beanie by Gucci, Leather Jacket by Rick Owens, Biker boots by Jimmy Choo and Tote from Balenciaga.


What you need:
Old biker boots, a Zadig & Voltaire Tee, unwashed hair (THE MAIN INGREDIENT, worn as ponytail or as greasy strands framing your visage), leather pants, biker jacket. All in black.

Obviously, the intended message was that you're oh so cool you couldn't care less if you had a date or not and want to give the impression you're jet lagged and still living on NY time (from your last trip to the States, umm.. 2 years ago)

But the achieved result is: you look like a Gothic tramp. Don't forget your cigarette. Oh, and be glamorously grumpy with dark circled eyes, chipped nail polish and no makeup.
I recall one night in February, when mi-me was invited to a glamorous film event with lots of press, a red carpet, etc, and the companion a friend brought wore: guess what!? Biker boots, ripped stockings and jeans shorts. Oh, and a beanie hat.
Get what I mean? Needless to say, mi-me looked stunning in Cavalli Couture.

By the way, even Parisian boys told me, they don't like how their girls dress. Maybe les filles should listen to Miss Mimi for once..

PS: The one night I actually DID try the trashy look, my cute garcon wore a SUIT, picked me up in a black limo, and had a surprise dinner at the RITZ arranged...




So now you know: Not over the top, not totally trashy. Maybe like the girl next door, right?

Wrong!!!
Beware of the following date-trap...

The 'Rose and Romance'- look:

Mimi wears a dress from Boohoo, Bag by Chanel,  Sandals from Zanotti, and Flowerbomb by Victor&Rolf.

My honey bunny, don't you look just soooo adorable in your prom queen frock! All heart prints and flowers. And your hair in braids! And your face all pink and glittery! Just too cute.

Yeah right, TOO CUTE.

You've got a billion butterflies in your stomach and all the world can see. This style's not gonna fly.
You look like a 6 year old on her birthday. Just don't throw a tantrum if he disposes of you right after the Apero.

Bitch, please. 

The key ingredient here is: Half a bottle of sugary sweet Flowerbomb (which I love by the way, just not with this outfit but with cool black leather, see above).

As super duper cute as this look might be: It shows, once again, you've been trying too hard.
Keep it for the 5th date, when he's already falling in love with YOU. Its like POISON. The dosage is all that matters. If used correctly, the heart print frock might actually work.

So watch out, ladies, and don't get lured into the sugar trap..





WOOOOOOW.
Just what IS THIS?!

 The 'Fashion conscious Female':

Dress by Jan Taminiau, Clutch and Ankle Boots by Zanotti, Chades by Amorir, Scent by Thierry Mugler.


With all these crazy fashions around, as designers fight to out-do each other in the battle of being in VOGUE, following everything magazines label as "SO HOT RIGHT NOW" is playing with fire.

Be sure to get burnt in the process.

Because if you show up to a date looking like you WORE HIS SHINING ARMOUR...

...be prepared for the following to happen:

Prince Charming throwing his cloak over you, hiding you in the darkest corner of the Bar du Plaza Athenée, where the unsuspecting guy invited you, NO holding hands, and a quick exit of the male lead with his 400 italian horses. Happily never after.

BECAUSE MEN DON'T READ THOSE MAGAZINES. They will just think you're a total retard.

There's a reason, the LADY'S called GAGA.

But don't get me wrong, I LOVE her style, and that of Japanese VOGUE Editor Anna Dello Russo, too.
These women are totally MAGNIFIQUE. Truly inspiring.
But it takes a lot of strength, fashion commitment and know how, to pull these looks off.

So, for me these outfits are BEST LEFT FOR BREAK-UPS.
Makes it easier for everyone.





But how to dress instead?!
I definitely don't know it all, and i still have plenty of fashion blunders to make, but PAWS UP FOR...

THE WINNING LOOK:  


Mimi wears a Jacket by Balmain, Classic Flap bag in Python and Coco Mademoiselle, both: Chanel, Pink Tee by American Vintage, White Jeans by True Religion, Diamond Chandeliers by Charlotte Bjorlin Delia and Heels by Alexandre Birman.


What you need:
Discreet quality, a nice Jacket from Chanel, Balmain (the simple styles! No Michael Jackson!) or something similar, a tank top, skinny jeans that show off your great bum and nice legs, sexy heels and a big statement bag.
Nothing to crazy, nothing too over the top. Let your personality shine. Have nice flowy hair and natural make up. Keep it simple but beautiful.
Wear some glam chandelier earrings that brighten up your face, if you want. If they happen to be too much, they can disappear into your bag.

And a recognizable, not to challenging but PLEASING Chanel fragrance, like Coco Mademoiselle or Allure.

This is why it works:
This outfit is perfect in a Bentley, and OK on a Vespa too, if need be. If he's an idiot, you can get up and walk home, without being harassed in the street. If you're in a tiny little brasserie and everyone else is casual, just take off the earrings. If you go clubbing, take off the jacket. The recognizable fragrance you wear will make him feel comfortable in your presence, as most likely he has a (girl-)friend who wears it. And you feel comfy, too.

This look shows you're cool, calm, not overexcited. 
It is much more intriguing, as not everything is being offered on a golden plate. You leave him wanting more, as you always should, anyway.

But I'm not saying don't dress up. I love to dress up. Just wait a little, till he knows you, and knows you're not a shallow fashionista, who only cares about her puppy and her Prada purse.

Because men are simple. They are not that hard to please.

I usually dress up in my craziest designer clothes (golden studded leather jackets, over knee boots, pink leather leggings and the likes)when I rock the clubs with my pack of girls.

To impress OTHER GIRLS.

Because the only kind of guys you can WOW with a hideously trendy spring 2013 Roksanda Ilincic dress while it is still September '12, are not the ones who take us out on dates, any way.

So, bottom line:

Be yourself, be as crazy as your genes urge you to be, create a cat blog if you want,
just BE YOURSELF.
But you might want to consider being a little mainstream till your guy is totally hooked.
Men in love tend to overlook our little flaws, and if they don't, will get so fond of them and think you're just the cutest crazy creature on earth and anyway totally awesome and perfect.

Coming to think of it, that's actually the best way to see if he truly loves you.
Is he so blinded that he doesn't see what a freak you are? 

Sublime. 
Get me my bunny ears and my heart shaped glasses and call me PINKY!


Want more?

2 comments:

  1. HAHAHHAHAHHAH! This is the funniest, craziest and greatest post Wifey! Congrats! I love it! You're so mature and funny and wise, all at the same time! Love you! Xoxoox Wifey

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!!!! I love you so much for saying this... It means A LOT to me, coming from you....!!!!
      Miss you so much wifeylein....
      xoxoxox mimilein

      Delete